Or how I stopped waiting for other people to join me.
The number one comment I receive about my adventures is “I can’t believe you’re doing that alone”. I feel like this comes from one of two places. The first is that I definitely do some things that others would feel unsafe doing. Camping alone and hiking where no one is around being the main ones. I understand the concern, and will address how I take safety precautions at a later date. The second, and more prominent, reason people make the comment is because of society’s push that you should never be alone.
A friend of mine recently said to me “the world is not made for single people.” She was talking about living in an apartment without splitting the rent between a couple, but it applies to travel as well. There’s no splitting the cost of a hotel room, long drives aren’t easily divided, and you can’t share meals. You are at the mercy of the world expecting more than one person to arrive. That is all just from a financial point of view. The other point of view is that we are raised to not feel comfortable sitting alone. In a restaurant, a movie theatre, shopping mall, we are always taught these are group activities. How often did I pretend someone else was coming when sitting in a coffee shop? Giving up on plans, just because no one wanted to come. It took me a while to be used to the idea of sitting alone, but thanks to travelling I no longer have that anxiety.
Over the next few weeks I want to focus on how I became comfortable with the idea of doing activities alone. How I learned that if I wasn’t going to do something alone, I wasn’t going to do it at all. That waiting for other people meant missing out on the adventures. There were too many things to do and places to see. I could not wait for someone else’s days off to match with mine.
To preface this, I have social anxiety and panic disorder. Many are confused by that because social anxiety is often equated to introversion, and I am anything but an introvert. My anxiety comes from the feeling that I am unwanted, a third wheel, or purposely being left out of something. My biggest fear in university was a bar scene where everyone is talking to someone else and I stand alone watching. Now, a brewery where I’m sitting by myself is my happy place. The difference? I control the second occasion. I choose to sit alone now, happily content with my lagers, quietly people watching. It was learning that bit of control that changed my life. It also took a change in mentality that no one cares that you are alone. You might be a fleeting thought in someone’s mind, but nothing more. You do not look strange sitting alone, so many people do it. The perfect place to realize this is while travelling.
Come along with me while I adventure into my past. Help me discover the reasons for why I finally became so comfortable with doing things alone, and how anyone can do it if we just break societal norms.
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